How I Limit It My Salvation

Jesus died for all mankind, whether we are conscious of that fact. I realize that. I really do. It's just that I find ways to limit that fact. I encapsulate the infinite gift in the confines of my finite justifications. I wonder a lot sometimes why I do that? Why do I feel the necessity to claim the patronage of the fallen old man, rather than the adoption by my gracious God? This post isn't necessarily intended to lapse pages and hours of a stream of consciousness. It's more like a request that we should all do some introspective detective work. Figure out where and why we're short changing God's sacrifice.

My story: I've done a lot of stupid things. Both as a Christian and before becoming one. I also suffer from the occasional case of Hubris-itis. These dangerous ingredients combine to create Super-Judgmental Jesus. You know, the Jesus who forgot to have coffee at the start of the day, remembers every bad deed you've ever done, eats repentance for breakfast and farts condemnation. Yea, that guy. I create him every time I believe whatever wrongs, present, past, or both, I've committed hold more sway with God than His son's advocating for my acquittal. Ridiculous, I know. Yet, it's still true. It doesn't matter if I'm conscious of the fact or not, I'm still belittling The Atonement. Sins against the Holy Spirit may be heinous, but I feel sometimes that refusing to accept the grace extended to me, all for the reason of pride or self-reckoning, could be far more damning. For one, it keeps me from moving ahead with my life and dealing with the sin outright. Secondly, it definitely increases stress levels as I pull on the chains God has so mercifully sought to carry for me himself.

So, how do you find ways to dismiss, limit, or constrain God's desire to reconcile you completely to Himself? If you don't, I'd appreciate you sharing your secret(s) with me, because I'd love to one day be devoid of such errs. I definitely am aware that this is most likely just a fault of my lack of spiritual maturity, so to speak. I'm easily among the more ignorant followers of Christ and to the end, subject to delusions and superstitions of my own rampant, poisonous imagination. With that said, I can only hope, pray, and work towards moving past such self-imposed stupidity. I have a pretty good example in Peter and a great teacher named Jesus or something.